Written by Melanie in April during our sabbatical . . . a story of the nearness and love of God:
Two days ago, I realised I’d lost an earring. I retraced the steps I’d taken since I’d put on a hoodie, assuming I’d knocked the earring loose as it went over my head. The missing earring was nowhere to be found and a search of the places I’d sat reading outside earlier also turned up nothing. This pair of earrings was a Christmas gift from my daughter and were shaped like world maps, a reminder to me of God’s heart for the nations. They were small representations both of my daughter’s thoughtfulness and one of my life passions. They were small but significant.
Historically, I have been really good at reacting badly when I lose things and wallowing in anger and frustration. I think it’s that feeling of helplessness, of being totally out of control, of my carefully ordered world falling apart.
On this sabbatical, God has been gently working with me, teaching me to surrender control, to trust his loving sovereignty, to turn to Him first before trying to fix things. I have certainly not arrived, but I am slowly learning. So I prayed about the earring, let it go, and pretty much forgot about it.
This morning Peter and I were walking through the giant grassy field toward the house where we are staying. And when I say the field is giant, I mean giant. Like acres and acres and the grass is currently waving long. We were talking away and at one point I stopped and turned around. Though I was very much NOT paying attention to where I was stepping, something in my subconscious mind told me I’d seen something tiny and silver sparkle in the sun. Stooping down, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It was my missing earring. My eyes immediately filled with tears and they are filling up again now as I am writing.
The God of the universe who flung stars and planets into existence with His Word, the God who holds every molecule together every moment of every day, the holy God who sits on his throne with millions of angels falling in worship before him . . . that God sees me. His heart is for me. He cares for me. He delights to answer my small prayers, prayed from my small heart about small things in my small little corner of this massive world. There in a small piece of a grassy field was my small earring sparkling in the sunshine, singing out of God’s big, big love for me. And not just his love, but his personal care, his intimate knowledge of my life, my heart, my desires. He’s a Father who delights in generously giving to his beloved children, not because we deserve it, but because he delights to love us.
My heart has been slow to accept this. So often, I fear the worst, expect the worst, struggle to believe that God really loves me and wants to bless me. I’ve been asking him on this sabbatical to teach me to trust his heart for me, to release the tight, controlling grip I often have on my life, to transform my ways of thinking and being. And I’ve seen him begin to do this. Not in a harsh or forceful way. But with constant gentle reminders, like finding my lost earring. He has been reminding me that he is intimately involved in my life. He has been reminding me that he loves me, deeply and completely. He has been reminding me, like Katie Davis says in her book, that I am one of his favourites.
Over and over, he has blessed me with moments of joy where my soul has been overwhelmed with the beauty of creation, the preciousness of my family, the pleasure of rest, the joy of laughter.
One of these moments happened last week as we drove toward our destination here in Tennessee. We have been in many beautiful places on this sabbatical which have filled my soul immensely – sunshine and woods, ponds and sunsets. But as we drove out of the Nashville metro area, we began to climb into the mountains. Mountains! Mountains all around us, blanketed in a lush, spring, green covering. Words feel totally inadequate to describe the way the intense beauty of that sweeping scene overwhelmed my soul. Peter and I marvelled together. “Wow,” I said, “Of all the many places we’ve been, this has got to be the most beautiful.”
God, I whispered in my heart, you’ve already blessed me abundantly on this trip. But you knew. You knew! You knew how much I love the mountains. Thank you so much for this gift. As my eyes filled with tears, my heart filled with a profound sense of being seen, known and loved. Though my mind asks, “How can it be?” my soul affirms, “Surely, O God, I am one of your favourites.”
